Sharing: My experience of online dating
DISCLAIMER:
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ARE ONLY MY PERSONAL POINT OF VIEW, THEY ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE IN ANY WAY.
NO OFFENCES ARE INTENDED.
===============================================================================================================
Since we are living in a cyber world now, i thought there is a fair chance to meet Mr. Right online, plus i know a few friends who testimonied that true love could be found online. So i wrote a rough introduction about myself and my expectation for the boyfriend-to-be and posted it on two websites www.sgchinese.com.sg/bbs and www.huasing.org. The viewers of these two websites are mainly chinese, i mean mainland chinese, like myself. I thought that birds of the same feather flock together, maybe a Chinese man would suit me better than a foreigner. By the way, I have also applied SDU membership, but wasn't keen to join any activities or meet any guys there.
After the ads were posted, I have received quite a lot of replies. My preferred way of establishing connection is via MSN chatting first, then telephone chatting, if both parties are satisfied, then would arrange for a date outside. Being traditional-minded, i would prefer guys take the initiative to invite me for a meet-up, but on rare occassions i would do the calling too. I believe the majority of us follow this procedure to find the ONE via internet.
Let me categorize the guys i have come across online as the following:
1.Married man. I believe there are a group of married men who left their wife in China and decided to pursue their career for a few years in Singapore. So this group of men is bound to feel lonely while the family is miles away, a few of them contacted me because they wanted to make more friends and have a social life in singapore. (that's what they said at least) But i don't have time to entertain married lonely souls, so i rejected them straightaway.
2.ONS man. ONS is the acronym I learnt recently only, it stands for "One Night Stand". I didn't realize that ONS was so rampant till i was 'offered' service repeatedly by the over-friendly internet guys. I guess i was living in my own world while love-making is all sacred and holy and is only meant for the true love. For me, i couldn't accept this act of blasphemy of love. And these people fall into the category of 'pervert' as well.
3.Shorter guys. I know I am not short, but i won't consider myself tall either(1.68m). Guess what, I realize that chinese/asian guys definitely need more calcium and play more basketball nowadays, they are so NOT tall. When i am wearing heels, it's so difficult to find a guy to talk at eye-level. I was even specifically requested not to wear heels on the first date, guess the guy has low self-esteem. But seriously, what happened to all the chinese guys? at least my brother is 1.84m, maybe it's better gene pool in my family.
4.Younger guys. My tolerance is from one year younger than me to 5 years older than me. I just feel age is a factor in a relationship, unless the guy has some extraordinary talents which can compensate the age difference, like maturity, money, charisma, etc. But guys with such extraordinary talents won't be single by now, right?
5.Boring guys. It's quite a common trait among Chinese people, I figure mainly because Chinese guys are very self-conscious and shy, so they don't make interesting conversation and their creativity is like dormant volcano (takes years to erupt, but doesn't mean they don't have creativity). I have met this guy who is a real tester of my patience: he takes at least one minute to think before answering any simple daily life questions, and while i have moved onto another topic, he is still thinking of the previous one. How is it possible to establish connection with such slow-motion person? It beats me.
6.Guys with no/low self-confidence. Without any confidence in yourself, it's impossible to become attractive or charming. A few Chinese guys have no prior serious relationship in their 30 years of life and are rather inexperienced while dealing with the opposite gender. So they appear to be out of place and immature. I find it difficult to communicate well with first-timer, and also i am rather unwilling to be the guinea pig for their relationship. So i have to say 'no' to those guys.
7.Insincere guys. Maybe it's a sweeping statement, but guys nowadays are so INSINCERE while looking for life partners. They want to find a wife or a girlfriend, but at the same time they are rather reluctant to put in the effort to impress the girl, especially on the first date. While coming to decide what to do and where to meet on the first date, very often the guy just throws the question at me without giving any suggestions. So the guy wants to invite me for movie, but didn't bother to check the current movie titles and time for showing? Or when I suggest to meet at Shaw Foundation House, Isetan, the guy has no idea what i am referring to even though he has been in singapore for a considerable number of years. What does it tell me about your adaptability? I have also been 'invited' to a library for a chit-chat on first date. Am I having a fever or is he? Library? for a first date? What kind of lousy suggestion is that? And talking is not allowed in library by the way. I understand that a lot of guys don't get out much, they don't go shopping like girls do, and they don't know orchard road like the back of their hands, and they need to realize that's what makes them boring, unattractive and out of touch with the current life affairs. But the worst case scenario was that the guy arranged with me for a date, but had no intention to turn up and expected me to wait in vain in front of tangs plaza. Luckily i saw through his lies (mainly because he gave me a fake phone no. ) and didn't become a victim of his game. I totally despise such despicable people, no respect to others AT ALL. I called him 'jerk' and 'asshole' ever since.
8.Werid guys. On a few occassions, the guy appears to be perfectly normal and pleasant to chat with, but somehow after a few chats, he would make me rather uncomfortable and disgusted by bringing up sex-related topics, like adult movies, past relationship, opinions on ONS, affairs, etc. This simply proves that SEX is all what guys are thinking about 24/7.
So far I have only thought of these 8 categories, there could be more, like guys couldn't decide what they want for life, guys who use other people's photo to introduce themselves, guys who make up stories to escape from first date, guys who can't chat in English while living in singapore for 9 years, guys who keep asking me which part of shanghai i am from etc.
One thing is for sure, the online dating experience is an eye-opener, to say the least. It exposes me to interesting variety of people, some become my online friends, some are "blocked" from my msn list. haha Well, i will continue my search for the ONE, wish me luck.
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ARE ONLY MY PERSONAL POINT OF VIEW, THEY ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE IN ANY WAY.
NO OFFENCES ARE INTENDED.
===============================================================================================================
Since we are living in a cyber world now, i thought there is a fair chance to meet Mr. Right online, plus i know a few friends who testimonied that true love could be found online. So i wrote a rough introduction about myself and my expectation for the boyfriend-to-be and posted it on two websites www.sgchinese.com.sg/bbs and www.huasing.org. The viewers of these two websites are mainly chinese, i mean mainland chinese, like myself. I thought that birds of the same feather flock together, maybe a Chinese man would suit me better than a foreigner. By the way, I have also applied SDU membership, but wasn't keen to join any activities or meet any guys there.
After the ads were posted, I have received quite a lot of replies. My preferred way of establishing connection is via MSN chatting first, then telephone chatting, if both parties are satisfied, then would arrange for a date outside. Being traditional-minded, i would prefer guys take the initiative to invite me for a meet-up, but on rare occassions i would do the calling too. I believe the majority of us follow this procedure to find the ONE via internet.
Let me categorize the guys i have come across online as the following:
1.Married man. I believe there are a group of married men who left their wife in China and decided to pursue their career for a few years in Singapore. So this group of men is bound to feel lonely while the family is miles away, a few of them contacted me because they wanted to make more friends and have a social life in singapore. (that's what they said at least) But i don't have time to entertain married lonely souls, so i rejected them straightaway.
2.ONS man. ONS is the acronym I learnt recently only, it stands for "One Night Stand". I didn't realize that ONS was so rampant till i was 'offered' service repeatedly by the over-friendly internet guys. I guess i was living in my own world while love-making is all sacred and holy and is only meant for the true love. For me, i couldn't accept this act of blasphemy of love. And these people fall into the category of 'pervert' as well.
3.Shorter guys. I know I am not short, but i won't consider myself tall either(1.68m). Guess what, I realize that chinese/asian guys definitely need more calcium and play more basketball nowadays, they are so NOT tall. When i am wearing heels, it's so difficult to find a guy to talk at eye-level. I was even specifically requested not to wear heels on the first date, guess the guy has low self-esteem. But seriously, what happened to all the chinese guys? at least my brother is 1.84m, maybe it's better gene pool in my family.
4.Younger guys. My tolerance is from one year younger than me to 5 years older than me. I just feel age is a factor in a relationship, unless the guy has some extraordinary talents which can compensate the age difference, like maturity, money, charisma, etc. But guys with such extraordinary talents won't be single by now, right?
5.Boring guys. It's quite a common trait among Chinese people, I figure mainly because Chinese guys are very self-conscious and shy, so they don't make interesting conversation and their creativity is like dormant volcano (takes years to erupt, but doesn't mean they don't have creativity). I have met this guy who is a real tester of my patience: he takes at least one minute to think before answering any simple daily life questions, and while i have moved onto another topic, he is still thinking of the previous one. How is it possible to establish connection with such slow-motion person? It beats me.
6.Guys with no/low self-confidence. Without any confidence in yourself, it's impossible to become attractive or charming. A few Chinese guys have no prior serious relationship in their 30 years of life and are rather inexperienced while dealing with the opposite gender. So they appear to be out of place and immature. I find it difficult to communicate well with first-timer, and also i am rather unwilling to be the guinea pig for their relationship. So i have to say 'no' to those guys.
7.Insincere guys. Maybe it's a sweeping statement, but guys nowadays are so INSINCERE while looking for life partners. They want to find a wife or a girlfriend, but at the same time they are rather reluctant to put in the effort to impress the girl, especially on the first date. While coming to decide what to do and where to meet on the first date, very often the guy just throws the question at me without giving any suggestions. So the guy wants to invite me for movie, but didn't bother to check the current movie titles and time for showing? Or when I suggest to meet at Shaw Foundation House, Isetan, the guy has no idea what i am referring to even though he has been in singapore for a considerable number of years. What does it tell me about your adaptability? I have also been 'invited' to a library for a chit-chat on first date. Am I having a fever or is he? Library? for a first date? What kind of lousy suggestion is that? And talking is not allowed in library by the way. I understand that a lot of guys don't get out much, they don't go shopping like girls do, and they don't know orchard road like the back of their hands, and they need to realize that's what makes them boring, unattractive and out of touch with the current life affairs. But the worst case scenario was that the guy arranged with me for a date, but had no intention to turn up and expected me to wait in vain in front of tangs plaza. Luckily i saw through his lies (mainly because he gave me a fake phone no. ) and didn't become a victim of his game. I totally despise such despicable people, no respect to others AT ALL. I called him 'jerk' and 'asshole' ever since.
8.Werid guys. On a few occassions, the guy appears to be perfectly normal and pleasant to chat with, but somehow after a few chats, he would make me rather uncomfortable and disgusted by bringing up sex-related topics, like adult movies, past relationship, opinions on ONS, affairs, etc. This simply proves that SEX is all what guys are thinking about 24/7.
So far I have only thought of these 8 categories, there could be more, like guys couldn't decide what they want for life, guys who use other people's photo to introduce themselves, guys who make up stories to escape from first date, guys who can't chat in English while living in singapore for 9 years, guys who keep asking me which part of shanghai i am from etc.
One thing is for sure, the online dating experience is an eye-opener, to say the least. It exposes me to interesting variety of people, some become my online friends, some are "blocked" from my msn list. haha Well, i will continue my search for the ONE, wish me luck.
Huasing Association 1999 - 2013