请帮忙看下我的CV, 这样写可以吗??Dear Sir or Madam:
Your advertisement for sales designer in august 30 THE TIME interested me because the position that you described sounds exactly like the kind of job I am seeking.
I am fresh grad from NAFA; the course is Fashion Merchandising & marketing, basically I can do the designs are able to fit the marketing needs. And more information will in my resume.
I will appreciate the privilege of an interview. And if you need call me: 90782913
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Have a nice day
Daincy, He Ying
[WhiteInk (9-4 13:56, Long long ago)]
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这不叫CV，这叫cover letter.[parrot (9-4 14:20, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]2楼
Cover letter吧。白墨兄须尽快提高英文水平。除了全篇的英文错误外，第一句话最好不写广告吸引了你，应是你要报名这份工作，你去“应聘”。
[卷心菜 (9-4 14:20, Long long ago)]
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我抛砖引玉一下，哎，2秘是要支持的，虽然最近1秘不见了。。。Dear Sir or Madam，
This is Daincy from Nanyang Academy Fine Arts Institute (NAFA). I read your advertisement for sales designer in The Times on August 30th.
I would like to apply for this position. I believe it is not only a job I am competent enough to fit and contribute to the company, but also a career opportunity that I would like to try as my very first step entering the industry. I graduated from NAFA this year with major in Fashion Merchandising and marketing. Please find attached my CV for more information about my expertise and related experience.
Thank you very much, and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Wish you a pleasant day ahead!
Daincy, He Ying
[parrot (9-4 14:28, Long long ago)]
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need improvement语法上好像不通阿。 Parrot 妹妹最在行了， 我猜的 [Dinosaur (9-4 14:33, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]5楼
(引用 parrot:我抛砖引玉一下，哎，2秘是要支持的，虽然最近1秘不见了。。。Dear Sir or Madam， This is Daincy from Nanyang Academy Fine Arts In...)貌似改了下真的很不一样什么时候帮俺的也改改。。。偶的cover letter用了4年了， 该换换了。[aspernet (9-4 14:35, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]6楼
(引用 aspernet:貌似改了下真的很不一样什么时候帮俺的也改改。。。偶的cover letter用了4年了， 该换换了。)4年。。。我都转了两次行了。。。:p[parrot (9-4 14:40, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]7楼
(引用 parrot:我抛砖引玉一下，哎，2秘是要支持的，虽然最近1秘不见了。。。Dear Sir or Madam， This is Daincy from Nanyang Academy Fine Arts In...)嗯，这个好，这个人我要了。[卷心菜 (9-4 14:42, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]8楼
(引用 parrot:4年。。。我都转了两次行了。。。:p)两次做完全不同的东西么？请parrot 美女分享[pinkhil (9-4 18:10, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]9楼
(引用 pinkhil:两次做完全不同的东西么？请parrot 美女分享)没问题，来9月20日的career talk吧，一定分享：）[parrot (9-4 18:26, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]10楼
(引用 parrot:没问题，来9月20日的career talk吧，一定分享：）)拜托阿，在这里分享好不好啊[pinkhil (9-4 21:22, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]11楼
(引用 parrot:我抛砖引玉一下，哎，2秘是要支持的，虽然最近1秘不见了。。。Dear Sir or Madam， This is Daincy from Nanyang Academy Fine Arts In...)授之以鱼不若授之以渔Parrot老妹很好心，不过最好还是让楼主自己去修改吧。[香陵居士 (9-5 0:16, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]12楼
首先，这叫Cover letter，不叫CV其次，cover letter和CV最忌讳出现拼写或者语法错误。楼主的拼写没有大问题，可是语法实在让人不敢恭维。希望楼主多注意冠词，连词和介词的运用。
再次，楼主可以注意一下英文信件的基本格式。虽然相对于书面信函来说电子邮件比较随意，可是一般正式的电子邮件，基本的呼语，敬语，等也需要应用准确。
最后，楼主应该注意一下措辞和语气。可以假设一下自己是人力资源的人，思考一下看到这封信会对作者产生什么样的看法。
当然这些只是基本要求，更高的技巧还有很多，诸如用词，结构，语气，分段都可以很艺术化地处理，这些需要楼主随着英文水平的提高而逐步领悟，就不是我们能帮得上楼主的了。但楼主只要多看，多想，多写，相信写出好的cover letter应该也并不难。[香陵居士 (9-5 0:28, Long long ago)]
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(引用 香陵居士:授之以鱼不若授之以渔Parrot老妹很好心，不过最好还是让楼主自己去修改吧。)嗬嗬，我觉得有个范文开始也挺好的至少可以先弄明白为什么这样改。自己改，也要有头绪啊。
话说回来，还是需要来听讲座，我们就用这个做开场好了。：）[parrot (9-5 0:29, Long long ago)]
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(引用 pinkhil:拜托阿，在这里分享好不好啊)不好啊 :p[parrot (9-5 0:29, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]15楼
here are my comments....Dear Sir or Madam:
This is Daincy He Ying. I would like to apply for the position of sales engineer you advertised on THE TIME dated 30 August 2008.
I am a fresh graduate from Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts (“NAFA”), majored in Fashion Merchandising & Marketing. I am competent in designing products that suit marketing needs. [More information, such as your final year project or practical design, to illustrate the competency.]
I have had several internship experiences in the relevant industry during my course in NAFA. [more information on the internships, if any]
I would appreciate if I may be granted an interview opportunity. Please do not hesitate to contact me at [phone and email address].
Thank you and warm regards,
Daincy, He Ying
6 Sep 2008
[monk (9-6 0:58, Long long ago)]
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(引用 monk:here are my comments....Dear Sir or Madam: This is Daincy He Ying. I would like to apply for the position of sales engineer you...)i prefer not to write much in the cover letter thoughthe main point is to encourage the HR to read the CV, not spend too much time on the cover letter. however, different people may prefer different style. :)[parrot (9-6 10:02, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]17楼
(引用 parrot:嗬嗬，我觉得有个范文开始也挺好的至少可以先弄明白为什么这样改。自己改，也要有头绪啊。 话说回来，还是需要来听讲座，我们就用这个做...)期待讲座啊～[MetalGearSnake (9-7 21:20, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]18楼